Advising Adolescents

Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adulthood which can range from ages eleven, up till about seventeen. It is also one of the stages of child development that most parents struggle with.

Parenting is not an easy task and as the years go by it gets more complicated. All of a sudden you go from putting plasters on cuts to boyfriends and peer pressure. As parents new to the adolescent world, we struggle with how to approach teenage love, insecurities, bodily changes and helping children to figure it all out.

Here is a brief guide to help you survive your child’s adolescent years.

Rule #1: Ask as many questions as you possibly can, then ask some more!
Make sure that you know what’s going on in your child’s school, personal and possibly “love life”. Talk to teachers, relatives and your child to see how they are coping. It’s your job to be informed about the major issues in your child’s life and to be there to support them when necessary.

Rule #2: Create a trusting bond
Relax when talking to your child. Especially when concerning sensitive issues. Children need to know they can talk to you. Make occasional jokes and encourage them to share “stories”. Ask them questions about what they like and don’t like. It’s important to know what’s important to them and what they look for in friends and people they crush on. If you guide them through their development they will be more likely to hold high morals and standards.

Rule #3: Provide someone else they can trust.
Let’s face it no matter how great your relationship is with your child there are some things that they won’t talk to you about. You must ensure who they are talking to is someone who will give them the correct information. Make responsible mentors available to your child. Get involved in church groups and/or programs that will provide them with opportunities to talk with individuals they may better connect with on certain subjects. Ensure that you know who they are talking to and that the person will encourage your child to come to you in urgent or critical situations.

Rule #4: Encourage Building Self-esteem, Identity and Confidence
Building your child’s self esteem is important from the time they are born. People’s self identity is hugely influenced by their perception is of how others see them. As a parent, your job is to make sure that as many positive aspects of your child’s personality are highlighted. Encourage them to explore their talents, interests and creativity. A solid foundation of confidence and positive self identity will be key in your child’s decision making, especially when facing inevitable peer pressures.

Rule #5: Teach them about Sex and their Bodies
Ask questions to gauge what your child knows, or what they “think they know” about sex and their bodies. Talk to you kids calmly and openly giving them age appropriate information. When you believe they are mature enough, talk to them about the risks involved in having sex. Teach them to be aware of their bodies, their behaviour and how they dress. Let them know that these things all communicate specific messages about themselves. Enforce high morals and standards and the appropriate manner in which people should be treated. Also teach them about various types of abuse and how to recognize it.

Rule #6: Enforce Discipline
Despite all the love patience and understanding necessary as a parent we must not allow it to prevent adequate discipline. Reinforcing discipline is part and parcel of raising responsible children. Let your child know the boundaries and reinforce consequences for bad behaviour. Your budding teenager is very likely to rebel. Re-assess your previous disciplinary methods and seek support if uncertain. Above all never doubt your instinct. As a parent you will always pick up when something is just not right. Overall remember to be firm, consistent, calm and loving in whatever discipline methods you choose.

There are no set rules to raising children, there are only guidelines for healthy child development. Millions of influences surround your child. Make sure that your voice gets heard and that you and your child have developed a trustworthy and healthy relationship.

Kids In Need of Direction works hard to provide parenting workshops, counselling and other various forms of support for the underprivileged families of Trinidad and Tobago.

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